I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We need to get me chipped asap
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
