I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
