Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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