If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
