Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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