Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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