There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
