if you like me you must not know who I am
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize