Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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