New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
