Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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