my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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