Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
