don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
