Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
