I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
