The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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