i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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