I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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