dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
