no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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