Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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