i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
