Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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