Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
