I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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