You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
