I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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