sarcasm needs its own font
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My penis needs a shock collar
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
