Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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