we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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