I heard we made out
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
