So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
