You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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