I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
