Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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