my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
