Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
