Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
