so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
