Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
