it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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