why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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