Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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