Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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