i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
