census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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