I can tuck mytits in my pants
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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