Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think people are normalizing furries
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
