is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
