if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize