Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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