So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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