atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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