Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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