the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
