Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
