i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
