Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
