At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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