I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm like, not good at living.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
