you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
