dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
