She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
