and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize