im six kinds of drunk right now
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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