after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
