just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
