My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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