eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
