Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
