we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
